When you create enough safety, you can talk to almost anyone about almost anything. As those who are masters of accountability move from thinking to talking, and in this article you will learn how they create safety.Continue reading
“Crucial Accountability” dives into the often challenging issue of addressing failed promises and unmet expectations. The book shares tools and steps for holding friends, family, and colleagues accountable for their actions, and enabling them to fulfill commitments and meet future expectations.Continue reading
The two riskiest times in crucial conversations tend to be at the beginning and at the end. The beginning is risky because you have to find a way to create safety or else things go awry. The end is dicey because if you aren’t careful about how you clarify the conclusion and decisions, you can run into violated expectations later on.Continue reading
While is true that you can’t force others to dialogue, you can take steps to make it safer for them to do so. After all, that’s why they’ve sought the security of silence or violence in the first place. They’re afraid that dialogue will make them vulnerable. Somehow they believe that if they engage in real conversation with you, bad things will happen to them.Continue reading
When it comes to sharing touchy information, the worst alternate between bluntly dumping their ideas into the pool of meaning and saying nothing at all. Either they start with, “You’re not going to like this, but, hey, somebody has to be honest…”(a classic Fool’s Choice), or they simply stay mum.
Those who are good at dialogue say some of what’s on their minds, but they understate their views out of fear of hurting others. They talk all right, but they carefully sugarcoat their message.
The best at dialogue speak their minds completely and do it in a way that makes it safe for others to hear what they have to say and respond to it as well. They are both totally frank and completely respectful.
The worst at dialogue fall hostage to their emotions, and they don’t even know it.
The good at dialogue realize that if they don’t control their emotions, matters will get worse.
If you spot safety risks as they happen, you can step out of the conversation, build safety, and then return to the conversation.Continue reading
Let’s define 2 terms, related to Crucial Conversations:
* Content – the topic of the conversation / under discussion / message
* Conditions – what people are doing in response (how people are feeling and acting, what tone they were taking)
The first principle of dialogue – Start with the heart. That is, your own heart. If you can’t get yourself right, you’ll have a hard time getting dialogue right. When conversations become crucial, you’ll resort to the forms of communication that you’ve grown up with – debate, silent treatment, manipulation, and so on.Continue reading